Women (Part 8) - Ephesians 5 Love Relationship 10/2/08

The book of Ephesians is divided evenly. In the first three chapters Paul discusses our position in Christ, and in the second three we learn how to live based on that position. Chapter 5—located in the heart of the section on learning how to live—emphasizes the love that should characterize our lives. Paul begins urging us to imitate God and conduct our lives in love “as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us.” This phrase seems simple to grasp. Our love should be distinguished by the same kind of complete sacrifice of self that characterized Christ as he went to the cross. The statement does not mean that we should seek ways to die for Christ. Paul here emphasizes not the action, but the motivation of Christ—the desire to give of himself for the benefit of others. We know from John 15:13 that “greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends.” And just so should the Christian conduct his or her life in that outward look toward giving for the benefit of others.

At first glance, verse 3 seems out of place. Paul has just introduced the theme of conducting our lives in Christ-like love and immediately then begins to argue against sexual immorality. The point he is emphasizing is the contrast with selfish living. Sexual immorality and impurity have an inward focus. Even in sex, the love that God designed for humans in the ultimate human relationship of marriage highlights an attitude seeking the benefit of the other, whereas the usual emphasis in sexual immorality is for personal pleasure. That is why Paul couples immorality and impurity with covetousness. Covetousness also is selfish ambition. Paul’s contrast, therefore, emphasizes the difference between love (the outward look) and selfishness (an inward desire). He continues this distinction in the next few verses.

In verse 5 Paul states that the sexually impure will not inherit the kingdom of Christ and God. His meaning is not that anyone who commits sexual impurity will automatically be sent to hell. Rather verse 6 explains that God’s wrath on sin condemns those not of the household of God. The appeal then to Christians is to avoid acting in a manner that embodies the very reason God condemns the world to hell. We are to imitate Christ. We are to conduct our lives in the light of the Lord. “Wake up!” he calls to the Christian. Wake and live in the light! Christ shines on those who forsake the worldly walk in favor of Christ’s imitation. The concluding verses of this general point (vv.18-21) begin with a call to avoid drunkenness. Again, Paul’s argument is not centered on alcohol. He admonishes us toward the outward attitude of love.

Beginning with verse 19, Paul employs a literary form called chiasm. Chiasm is so named because its structure “looks” like the Greek letter chi which is written as an X. Like the first line drawn for the X, the first point (or word or phrase or idea) begins the chiasm and will end the chiasm. The second point (the beginning of the second line drawn for the X) is after the first point initially, but comes before the repetition of the first point at the end. Okay, if you are not familiar with chiasms, I’ll grant that my explanation may not be very clear. Let me illustrate with a nursery rhyme.

-Old King Cole was (1st element)
----a merry old soul, (2nd element)
----a merry old soul (repeat 2nd element)
-was he. (repeat 1st element)

Of course, chiasms may be much more intricate involving several layers of elements. But they all start from an idea, continue on in development, and then retrace their steps to the original idea.

The chiasm of verses 19-21 involves love for others and for God.

-Addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs,
----Singing and making melody to the Lord with all your heart,
----Giving thanks always and of everything to God…,
-Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.

The first and last lines direct the outward look to one another. The interior lines direct the outward look to God. The identification of the chiastic form here helps us to understand what Paul means by “submitting to one another.” Submission could imply an authority/subordinate relationship. The one who is subordinate submits to the one who is in authority. But the chiasm shows that Paul’s intent for us here in submission is to exhort, encourage, and support other Christians. This is the exact point of his whole discussion so far. He urges us to a full, whole-hearted, Christ-like, giving of ourselves for the benefit of others. Instead of a submission to an authority, we are to submit much like parents would for a severely ill child. The parents remove from consideration any selfish conduct as they submit their whole lives for the caring of the child. So ought we to remove self from our consideration as we submit to the welfare of others. That is love in its purest form. Again, (although you may be tired of hearing it by now) the definition of love is the desire to give of yourself for the benefit of another.

These first 21 verses of chapter 5 are the foundation and must inform our understanding of the rest of the chapter. The very next verse (v.22) is an injunction for the wife to submit to her own husband as to the Lord. We know first of all that Paul does not mean for the wife to submit in worship just as she worships the Lord. That would be idolatry. Therefore, we know that we must understand this charge with limitations. The limiting consideration must coincide with Paul’s discussion so far throughout the chapter. The submission of the wife is a whole-hearted, self-sacrificial giving for the benefit of her husband—in other words, as we discussed, it is love in its purest form. Paul even continues in the next couple of verses to compare this submission/love to that of the church to Christ.

Paul draws on the analogy of the head and body that he has just used in chapter 4. In that chapter Paul says in verses 15 and 16, “…speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love.” Paul’s analogy to the head and body is consistently the same care relationship that we discussed in I Corinthians 11 in the last summary post. Paul is not putting forth an authority/subordinate relationship, but rather emphasizing the care-giving/vulnerable relationship we saw in I Corinthians. In chapter 5 he continues that analogy with regard to love submission. In the marriage relationship, the husband is analogous to the head and the wife is analogous to the body.

In verse 25, Paul turns his focus to the husband who must love his wife as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He gave himself for it. The same idea is presented that Paul has discussed all along. Giving of oneself for the benefit of another is love, and the husband is to willfully and totally set aside his selfish ambition for the benefit of his wife. In verse 31 Paul quotes from Genesis 2 the principle that the husband-wife relationship is the ultimate of human relationships. Through this marriage example, Paul brings both partners of this supreme human relationship into correspondence with his charge made at the very beginning of chapter 5 to “walk in love, as Christ loved us.”

Paul closes his comments on the marriage love relationship in verse 33 with very strong language. The husband is told to love his wife and the woman is told to respect her husband. The repetition here for the husband seems as if Paul is warning the husband that he better pay attention—the rightness of his marriage depends on this selfless outlook. The woman’s warning is equally strong as Paul tells her to respect (Greek-phoebeo, meaning to fear or have awe of) her husband. The rightness of her marriage depends on this selfless outlook.

Paul, therefore, is not arguing that a marriage should be an authority/subordinate relationship. That is a misunderstanding and “dumbing-down” of the passage and its intent. Paul is speaking of returning to the created ideal of a pure love relationship in which each partner lays selfish ambition aside for the glory of the other and the whole.